Abuse

As I’m working as a counsellor for many years, I thought of writing about ABUSE. It came to my mind that I’ve to find out the real meaning of Abuse.

A ——Aggressive

B——Behaviour

U—–Useless

S—–Society

E—-Education

Abuse means:  Aggressive Behaviour is Useless for Society & Education.  It affects society and education indirectly. If someone is verbally abusing another, the children around them learn and get affected indirectly. If teacher is scolding some students, the children around them are effected mentally. Abuse means mistreat or treat badly, according to dictionary. It is a harm or maltreatment inflicted on a person through physical, verbal, emotional and sexual means. It is a rude and inhuman expression intended to offend or hurt e.g. when students commit any mistake they are abused verbally or emotionally.

I) Verbal abuse— Verbal abuse can be

a)-Any type of negative name calling e.g. Idiot, Stupid etc.

b) Any words of shame— Critical, sarcastic, mocking words.e.g if the child is fat and calling him Motu .

c) Yelling, swearing and screaming—if a teacher or parents scream at the child he feel ashamed d) verbally ballistic—e.g. bombastic words

e) Using threat e.g. if the child does not do his homework, locked in dark room or bathroom.

f) Blaming the victim—if bench falls down suddenly while playing and someone gets hurt (the person who planned the game)

g) Manipulating the action—if the teacher tells more negative about the child in front of the principal.

Identification of verbal abused

i)                    Shows sudden change in behaviour

ii)                  Some learning problem

iii)                Avoid the situation

iv)                Does not want to go school

II) Physical Abuse– Physical abuse are of many types

a) physical bruises &cuts — If teacher hits the child with ruler.

b) Cigarette burns–— Generally it happens at home.

c) Watching sleeping habit—Child can’t sleep due to physical pain.

d) Self destructive nature—Try to harm him and others.

Identification of physical Abuse

i)                    Avoid school

ii)                  Difficulties in walking &sitting

iii)                Weight loss—Not getting proper food

iv)                Distrust, Excessive efforts to please, shyness, fighting

v)                  Changing sleeping habit.

III) Psychological Abuse —-Mental harassment brings more traumas to the person. a) Emotional trouble— some people like to trouble the person emotionally, here the accused is troubled emotionally, so that other person does not make it out.

b) Name calling – negative name calling e.gthe child is criticised by sarcastic term or family behaviour.

Identification of psychological Abuse

i)                    Crying without any reason

ii)                  Not mixing with anyone

iii)                Not attending any celebration or function

iv)                Not participate in other activities.

IV) Sexual Abuse— Sexual contact between an adult and younger than eighteen years.

a) Feeling guilty— Sexually embarrassment in front of everyone can’t be tolerated.

b) There are many sexually abused children or women can’t disclose the fact to anyone.

Identification of sexually Abused

i)                    Try to avoid school

ii)                  All the time weeping

iii)                Not talking to anyone

iv)                Getting frightened of male

V) Social Abuse— Caste system, Infanticides, Comparison etc. If a person is from lower caste, told not to mix with the person. Girl child is killed in the womb or after birth.  Two co-sisters are compared.

Identification of Social Abuse

i)                    Low caste or high caste by the teacher in the class — Sitting arrangement of upper caste and lower caste.

ii)                  Mothers are comparing boys and girls at home and give inferior quality product to girl child.

iii)                Poor health.

iv)                Not mixing with anyone.

V) Hate Crime —-

1) Expression changes when teacher enters in the class.

2) Avoid class.

3) Request principal to change the division of the class.

We are born… and then one day we die. Isn’t that what we call life?? In this life we make choices and everything we do, consciously or unconsciously is a choice. The feeling of being the “do-er” of actions has been referred to as “ahem” or “ego”, and understanding the choices of action is what I refer to as “consciousness”. The more conscious we are, the more “awake” and with the awakening comes “singularity”, elsewhere referred to “bliss”, “peace” or “happiness”. The last few nouns are not antonyms of “misery”, “war” or “sadness” respectively, but just non-existence of all those opposites.

All through life, we have been accustomed to this sense of opposites through our senses. Thus language, thoughts, actions are all measured through opposites. If you are not happy, you are considered sad. If not successful considered failure. If not content means you are discontent. Actions, thoughts and life itself is not just “the way it is”, it is always “either-or” of these opposites. This write-up is to explain that it is we who choose life’s opposites and look at life through this lens of duality. I try to put reality in a perspective where we make choices between dualities and hence choose what we should-be or want to be in life.

When I first heard the phrase “You Live by Choice, Not by Chance”, it sounded in all glory that I was the “do-er” and I decide what happens in my life. I felt that if I choose to do “X”, I know I can get “Y”. So, I can predict all the consequences of all the actions which I chose to perform. Most people who believe they are the “do-er” believe so.  But what that cannot answer is why are there so many situations in life where we don’t know why something happened? Why do we become dejected that something that I expected to happen did not happen?? And that’s when we call ourselves a failure, because we only see duality.

We have something called intellect through which we make choices. Choices to not just do things, but more importantly to chose the consequences. Choice to look at the consequence through duality of success and failure or just look at it as an event. This choice in essence determines our actions, emotions and define our “being”. These choices design the path of our life, not through actions themselves, but how we choose to look at the consequence. Below is an interesting take of choices in life through the lens of NICK VUJICIC‘s life as an inspiration.